We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize