is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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