I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize