Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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