Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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