Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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