I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize