my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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