I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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