I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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