i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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