Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize