so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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