i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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