I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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