"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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