fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize