real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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