I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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