Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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