i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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