my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're earring is so big in my mouth
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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