mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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