I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize