Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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