im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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