Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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