I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize