is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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