this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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