Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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