I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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