Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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