So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The Olympian is in my bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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