I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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