Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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