getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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