I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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