I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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