In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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