I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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