I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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