Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize