I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize