fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize