Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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