the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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