There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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