I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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