omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize